No matter what I’m telling myself this past week, it’s just happening. The continual drift of our relationship day after day. Maybe it was just this week. I pray that this week was just an off week. But just something inside of me senses that you’re just bored of me. That you’re tired of me. I feel like there isn’t a time where I don’t annoy you or piss you off or make you doubt our friendship or relationship. I’m so scared, you don’t even understand. I’m afraid that we’re just gonna end. Every little thing I do angers you, and I could just sense the unhappiness I put you through. I feel like your friends make you happier and that I’m just not as important. You’re just different. I just really miss the old memories and the way things were before the emotional breakdowns and doubt. What happened? Why can’t things reverse so I won’t be like this? I don’t think I make you happy anymore. I’m sorry for being a fuck-up and putting a chain around your neck. I hope things will get better.
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I miss receiving those cute text messages from that special person. You know that person? It’s the one that you are to willingly stay up with just to talk on the phone/exchange happy text messages. I miss feeling bubbly and carefree whenever I see you, not jealous and insecure. I miss being on the phone with you late at night, then falling asleep, then wake up in the morning with the sweetest messages while I was asleep. I miss that stage in our relationship where we were… Happy. It’s not that I don’t feel such joy now as to opposed to the days of summer and early spring last year. It just doesn’t feel the same.
Now, I don’t get too many text messages from you. Usually, we have casual talks here and there, but the sappy and sweet texts have long since disappeared. I miss being on the phone with you, but I feel bothersome, or troublesome in the ways that I try to keep the conversation going, only to realize that I’m probably just annoying you. I miss holding your hand. I miss feeling like you need me. I miss feeling more important than this. I just miss that stage where everything seemed to revolve around us, not us having to deal with shit from other people.
Truth be told, I do realize how much we’ve spiritually and mentally “grown” within each other and how much things have changed in the year and a half we’ve known each other/been together. I don’t know if it is possible to be “too comfortable” around each other, but I guess that’s just us. You care like a father, are wise like a mother, are as hyper as little brothers and sisters, and as loving as a husband. Pretty good traits, if you ask me. :) We make each other laugh with stupid jokes and insults. We tend to be brutally honest, which is a plus. There is a temper shared between the two of us, like a fire, which leads to burns if it isn’t evacuated with care. We don’t tend to let each other win without an explanation. We’re not like other people who just let’s their bf/gf “win” every time they get into an argument. No. It’s not like that. I feel like it is easier to talk to you now. I don’t know. All I do know is that we are trying to improve together. We’ll make it through, despite rumors and other people walking right in between us. Despite what other people say.
I just really miss those old texts.
Dammit.
Toughen up dude.
You’re letting it get to you again.
Leave him alone and distance yourself.
You’re putting yourself up for more disappointment if you keep acting like this.
Just.. Just stop. Think about yourself.
He’s fine without you and you should be the same way without him.
He doesn’t even need you.
You’ll be fine.
Just have fun by yourself. You’re on your own.
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So my friend, Vien referred to me this dude, DJ Okawari and HOLY SKDHASKJD why haven’t I listened to him before omfg. I haven’t listened to such calming music in so long, and the way he incorporates some piano/instrumentals with really good beats, just oh my goodness <3 I feel like such a loser…
Source: samantharanjo
